Dating and Hirsutism: How to Tell Them

Dating is one of the many things that looks different these days thanks to the pandemic. The unfortunate thing is that dating with hirsutism (excess hair) may be just as tough as it was pre-pandemic for some people.

In this post, we will be talking about dealing with excess hair while dating and how/when to talk to the other person about it.

About hirsutism

If you are stopping by to my blog and know about or have hirsutism, feel free to skip over this! If you are stopping by and don’t know much about (or are just plain interested) it, feel free to keep reading!

Hirsutism is the clinical term for excess hair growth in women. The areas on the body that this growth occurs at includes the upper lip, chin, chest, back, abdomen, thighs, neck and jaw line.

While it is normal for women to have some hair growth in the aforementioned areas, hirsutism is different in that the hair is thicker and coarser. This means that you have to work a little harder to get it off than you would if it were just some light hairs (peach fuzz).

There is a scale that scores a person’s level of hirsutism severity. This is called the Ferriman-Gallwey Scoring System. Not all medical practitioners use this scale anymore because everything is subjective. For example, a person might only score a two on the scale for upper lip hair but for them it is more severe than that.

There are several causes of hirsutism and they include the following:

• PCOS
• Menopause
• Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH)
• Cushing’s Syndrome
• Androgen secreting tumors
• Oral minoxidil
• Obesity
• Certain medications

Having hirsutism can cause depression. This is due to possibly not feeling feminine because of having the same hair growth patterns seen in men. Or if the hair is just simply unwanted. They may also feel embarrassed about it, too.

There are some ways that hirsutism can be managed and treated if one chooses to do so. They are as follows:

• Shaving (razors and other types of shavers)
• Waxing (professionally or at home)
• Plucking
• Epilator
• Depilation- Be extra careful with this one!
• Birth control (like Yaz)
• Antiandrogen medication (like Spironolactone)
• Vaniqa– This only slows the new growth and does no get rid of the current hair.
• Laser therapy- This is more expensive than the other options. One should make sure to check out the pros and cons of having this done.
• Electrolysis- This is more expensive than others on the list and can take up to two years of regular treatments to see results. One should make sure to check out the pros and cons of having this done.

Here is a wonderful resource for learning more about hirsutism: https://www.aafp.org/afp/2012/0215/afp20120215p373.pdf

How to date during a pandemic

Before we get into dating with hirsutism, it is important to know just how dating is done these days (if trying to be safe).

The pandemic has caused in-person things to be risky. This has made people turn to dating virtually. A person can meet someone on one of several dating sites or through someone they know and then continue the relationship through video calls.

Zoom and Google Duo seem to be popular choices to have video call sessions on. While getting to know each other on these platforms may not be as great as in-person, a good time can still be had and a wonderful relationship can bloom.

There are many activities that can be done outdoors. While they are safer than indoor activities, there is still a level of risk that seems to be higher now with this more contagious variant. This means that safety measures should still be taken.

In the event that people in a relationship want to meet and be close together indoors, they should proceed at their own risk. They could quarantine themselves for two weeks, get tested beforehand or just get together without any precautions.

Check out this webpage for more ideas on how to date safely during the pandemic: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-date-more-successfully-during-covid-5113503

Dating and hirsutism

Picture this…

You have been messaging someone on a dating site and are ready to have a video call with them. Looking nice and put together is something you think is important even if you aren’t meeting in person.

You decide to put on attractive clothes first-picking out the most flattering thing you have. Then you get your face ready. This includes getting rid of any hair that you may have on there (however you do it) due to hirsutism. You find the excess hair to be embarrassing and you do not want your date to see it.

So in that scenario, you are being proactive about making sure that your date does not know about your hirsutism so that you can make the best first impression.

Now, let’s picture this scenario…

Things have been going wonderful with this new person you found on the dating site. You talk to them often and enjoy each other a lot. One day you have a video call planned with them. Since you feel comfortable being without makeup on the calls, you don’t put any on.

You also forget to get rid of the excess hairs.

During the video, you see yourself and realize that those pesky hairs are showing and very visible. You start getting really embarrassed and hope that they don’t see them. This then causes you to feel distracted and cut the video call short.

The second scenario might be a little more of a nightmare for you. For it to not occur and be something you have to worry about-you may want to consider telling the other person about your excess hair.

Your hirsutism can be talked about in different ways and at different times. Here are some ideas on how to do it:

• Tell them straight-up, right away- If you are a bold person, you could tell them shortly after meeting them. This could be really tough for some people. The good thing about it is that it would weed out people if the hirsutism makes them want to bounce right away.
• Tell them after things have gotten a little more serious- This is something that you can do if you are not the most bold person out there. When a relationship has been building for a while, you may feel slightly more comfortable talking about your hirsutism. You could find a quiet moment in your video call to bring it up. There are good chances that they won’t care about the excess hair since they have been rocking with you for a while.
• Anytime while playing “Get To Know Me”- You could suggest to play a game like this where you answer personal questions about yourselves. You may have to sneak it in to whatever question they ask that is related or strategically suggest a question that you both are to answer.
• Email them- If you don’t have the courage to tell them on video, you can always email them about your hirsutism. Mention that it is really tough for you to talk about it on a video call.

Instead of never telling the person you are dating that you deal with excess hair and setting a timer/reminder to shave before each video call, you should really consider telling them about it at some point. Forgetting to take your excess hairs off before frequent video calls or in-person dates is something that is bound to happen a time or two.

How I did it

My husband is the only person I ever dated (sad, huh?). Back when we were first getting together, my hirsutism was not as bad as it is now but still visible. At that time I was getting it all waxed off and didn’t think I needed to tell him about my diagnosis.

After a while, my hirsutism did get a little worse for whatever reason. One day I even caught him looking at my chin. That was when I decided that I needed to tell him about how I have excess hair due to PCOS.

I just sat there and told him all about it. He was not turned off by this at all (obviously since we are married now!). In fact, he knew other women who had PCOS and dealt with the same issues.

My hirsutism has gotten even worse these days, unfortunately. The great thing is that my husband says he doesn’t even notice when I go a couple days without shaving.

Maybe he is just lying out of love but I will take it. Sometimes I forget to shave or just don’t feel like it!

In conclusion

Dating can successfully happen even if one has hirsutism. If you think things might get more serious between you and the other person, being frank about the issue is something to consider. It is important to remember that if someone truly cares about you, they will see beyond some extra hairs on your face and/or body.

Does anyone reading this have hirsutism? If so, did it affect your dating life at all?

Thanks for reading!

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